Hoe is het leven met een micropenis?

Het leven is lastig met een micropenis. Dat is zo ongeveer the bottomline van het onderstaande interview met een 51-jarige leraar… die leeft met een micropenis. In een interview met NYMag vertelt hij over zijn jeugd, de problemen die hij heeft gemaakt én alle awkward momenten. Check ‘m hieronder. (Hele interview hier.) 

How big is your penis?
It varies a lot, but I will give you my latest findings from the tape measure department: Max length is 2 inches soft, and 3 inches hard. The circumference — 3.3 inches soft, 4.0 inches hard

When did you realize you were smaller than average?
It built up over time. When I was 9 years old, my parents split up and my dad would send me to stay with friends and relatives during the summer. And I was quite a screwed-up kid and I was a compulsive bed wetter, so I would wake up in the morning and my bed was soaking, all the sheets and everything. On one occasion, my friend’s mother got really angry and told me I must not do this anymore and I had to take off my wet pajamas in the kitchen in front of everyone and that’s something I remember vividly. It was quite a horrible time and it happened once again when we went to stay in a hotel in the west of England.

At this point, I was about 12 and I was quite fat because I lived with my dad and he didn’t cook, so I was just eating loads of junk food. I was pre-puberty and I was embarrassed all the time. When I wet the bed, the manager, a woman, said if you do that once more I’m going to cut off your silly little willy. That really stuck with me. Very soon after that, at secondary school, we were all made to do gym, and when we were in the changing room, that’s when I really became aware of how different I was because most of the other boys were entering puberty and I was already very embarrassed about my body, but it just got worse. I got really badly bullied and teased by the kids and the teachers. The teachers were worse than the kids. It was really quite nasty. They didn’t refer to my penis, but the kids did. I just wanted to hide. I was so plump I couldn’t even see it.

Is that when you discovered they come in different sizes?
Yes. There were two or three boys who were obviously very well developed and they would swagger around showing off. I was desperate not to show anything, so I’d really try and hide. As the months went on, it got worse because everyone changed, but I didn’t, and by the time I was 14, I was still a very plump boy with a very small penis.

What was puberty like?
I became anorexic when I was about 14, I think because I was bullied about my weight I stopped eating. But I did suddenly start to grow very tall quite quickly and I got very thin and I got pubic hair. Unfortunately, the bits that didn’t grow very much were my genitals. In some ways, it was better, because I wasn’t fat, but I was now a much bigger body with the same package. My peer group all had girlfriends and I was friends with a lot of girls and boys, but I remained a virgin until I was 23.

When did your penis stop growing?
When I was 14. Quite honestly, my entire life has been shaped and damaged by my penis size. I’m still not really over it, even though I’m way into middle age. I’ve had relationships, but they’ve never been terribly good, particularly not from my partner’s point of view. I always feel like I can’t do what I should be able to do as well as most people. That’s what I worry about. And doctors have never been any help.

When did you realize you have what’s medical classified as a micropenis?
I can’t remember when I first heard that word, but I think it was on the internet in the mid-’90s. I didn’t seek diagnosis.

When you were a teenager or an adolescent, did you avoid girls, or intimate situations, because you were worried about your penis?
It was bad. A couple of my friends really wanted to help me out, so sometimes we would get together: Two or three girls and two or three boys. As the evening went on, we would pair off, and I remember one time I was paired off with a girl and I was so worried about revealing this that I never did anything. It took a few more years for me to even get to the point of getting undressed in front of any woman, any girl. I think I was about 21.

What was your first sexual experience like?
It was traumatic. I was 21 and it was at a party. I’m very sociable and I love parties. This was a big house party and a lovely girl really took to me; she really enjoyed my conversation and she was the one who suggested to me that we go upstairs and find a bedroom. This had never happened before. At this point, I had very long hair, we were all into smoking weed, and I thought, Yeah, why not? I’d almost forgotten why not! I was so relaxed with her and she was so sweet that I forgot for a moment. We got to a certain point and she couldn’t hide how disappointed she was. She was quite annoyed and I don’t blame her at all; to this day, I don’t blame her. Because it was before the internet, I hadn’t had any education into what the alternatives were. I could have done other sexual things, but in those days I think we were all a bit naïve. Even the kids who claimed to be very sexual didn’t really know that much.

Did you tell her or did you wait for her to see?
I didn’t tell her — she really wanted to have sex. She undressed and then she helped me undress, because I wasn’t very keen to take my clothes off. She started trying to get me hard because she couldn’t really see what was there. I guess she was hoping it would change, or get bigger. I did get semi-hard but it wasn’t enough and I couldn’t penetrate her. We rolled around on the bed a lot and it went on for quite a while. I pretended I was too stoned to do anything and suggested we go back and dance again. It was about two years before I was in bed with a woman again.